September 24, 2012

Today’s little boys are tomorrow’s men

"Nearly all of my friends, myself included, have discovered that their guy is talking to other girls at the same time he’s talking to them. Nearly all of my friends, myself included, have been cheated on.
Statements like “I don’t care if he goes to the strip club as long as he comes home to me at night” and “Every guy watches’s just part of being a guy” are standard fare in the dating world
And "checking other people" out are common place....I mean, they're "just looking" right. 

I know there’s a strong pull to be dominant, independent women in today’s culture. And that, I mostly agree with. Women should know what’s it’s like to work in some aspect. How to pay bills. And have a strong work ethic outside of folding laundry and cooking casseroles. They should know how to live on their own. Do things on their own. How to handle crisis (with a police officer father things like “always be scanning, scanning, scanning in parking lots,” locating pressure points and defense tactics are breakfast topics) :) But, in addition, women should know their incredible value. A lot of women have lost their value along the way….

So yes kids will be kids and do silly kid things. But these little diapered muffins toddling around in Garanimals are tomorrow’s boyfriends. And tomorrow’s husbands. And wouldn’t it be awesome if tomorrow’s women never experienced the heartache of being cheated on? Never knew the insecurities that came from their guy looking at other women? And were well-familiar with being someone’s “enough” instead of someone’s option?

Today’s little boys are tomorrow’s men ladies…..raise them well."

This is a portion of the first blog post I opened up to read this morning on Ashley's blog. And it really hit home for me due to recent events. A lot of events actually, but this weekend in particular.

First: What makes people think it is okay to take so social media and online forums to make a list of things their significant other does wrong? Not only is it childish but it's something I find disrespectful. I understand all people need to vent, that is kind of what I am doing right now, but I would never make a list of things the other person does wrong for everyone to see and to give their opinion on.

People in turn responded with things like:

"Its your fault for letting her out of the kitchen in the first place."

"Sounds like you gotta dump that bitch."

"Who the hell let a woman use a computer?! Go make a sandwich for my boy. And You should always answer to him by either saying "Yes, sir! and "No, Sir!" Wait wtf is wrong with me, you should only be saying "Yes, sir!" and "Do you want more bacon?" 

See ? That's how it needs to be talked to, otherwise they get out of hand and we have no option but to slap them around a bit. Is their fault really."

Nice, right? Again, what is wrong with men. Joke or no joke. It's not funny and it's not ok. The thing is, these complaints were such stupid complaints, they weren't enough to make or break a relationship.

You would think that any real man would stick up for his girlfriend or wife if people were talking to her or about her that way. No, I can stick up for myself better than any man ever could. I speak from experience.

How can you be one person on the internet and another person in your day to day life? 
I guess this is a lot more common that I like to think it is.

Second: Can anyone tell me if they would be ok with their boyfriend telling another woman that "he'd still sleep with her after all these years". I think I can answer that question myself .. 

And then to be told it was "a joke" .. and that I'm over reacting and ridiculous. Please tell me how that is funny? Because I'm pretty sure if any of us women were to say something like that, our boyfriends and husbands would lose their minds. Am I right?

Again, something I would NEVER do. But then again there are a lot of things that men do, my boyfriend in particular, that I would never do. 

I am just so tired of being disrespected, not treated how a woman should be treated, and put down by not only the person I'm with but by people I don't even know because of something he did. 

"Statements like “I don’t care if he goes to the strip club as long as he comes home to me at night” I am not ok with this. I don't understand why if you are in a committed relationship you need to go see other women naked. and “Every guy watches’s just part of being a guy” again, same thing. are standard fare in the dating world.

And "checking other people" out are common place....I mean, they're "just looking" right." You shouldn't be checking anybody else out if you are truly happy with the person you are with. If you aren't then leave.

I will be sure to raise my one day son how to treat a lady. I have plenty of experience to teach them how not to treat them. And I will be sure to raise my one day daughter what not to tolerate. 

My boyfriend is not a monster, he never use to be ok with treating me this way, or letting other people treat me that way. That is why I don't understand how you can act one way in front of your "friends" and turn around and apologize, but you don't want them to know.

I want to be treated with respect, and love, and like I'm worth something. Not someone who obviously isn't good enough that my boyfriend has to turn to making a list of things I do that annoy him. Or telling some other woman online that he'd still sleep with her after all these years. Again, joke or no joke. It's not funny. Yet it continues to happen.

I'm at my breaking point. I have put up with so much in the past 5 years and I don't know how worth it is to be thought of this way. To have someone talk about me in that light. I know I'm not perfect. I know I do things that can be thought of as annoying. And there are things that my boyfriend does that drive me crazy. But never would I take to my blog, make a list out of anger, and then let everyone join in on bashing him.

Is it wrong not to forgive? Because I've forgiven so many times and it just keeps happening.

"She was in a bind. She couldn’t stay and she couldn't stand the thought of leaving."
- Marisa de los Santos, Belong To Me.


  1. I totally agree with you! Men need to learn how to treat their women better. There never a valid reason to "check out" or talk to other women when you're in a committed relationship.

  2. Ashley - first I am so flattered that you used some of my post in this blog...seriously. very flattered.

    Secondly....and on a much more important note, I feel so much for you in reading this post b/c I went through some very similar situations with my long-term bf of 7 years (who i'm no longer with). It gave me chills to read some of this. It is ultimately your decision but I just want you to know that you are absolutely worth all the respect in the world....and you deserve to be someone's one and only. the comments written in response to the comment are so disrespectful and hurtful. I'm so sorry for that friend.

    I saw you were changing your URL so I'll "follow" the new blog! :)