September 13, 2012

Things I want to punch in the face


Besides some of my lazy ass co-workers. Ok, just one, but still.

Push Presents. Push presents are gifts men give to their baby mamas. They are becoming increasing popular, as if people didn't have other things to spend their money on. Like, oh I don't know diapers for your new baby. I don't have kids. But I suspect if I was pushing a baby out of my vagina that that I'd have a short wish list (at the time) which would include inflicting some sort pain on my baby's father and getting a big reward for my labors.But then, as I held my little bundle of joy, I'd realize that my gift is wrapped in a blanket in my arms, not in a Tiffany ring box.

I don't know about you but I'd rather have the following gifts from my guy:


- middle of the night baby duty
- early morning baby duty
- round-the-clock diaper duty
- massage upon demand



Keep your fucking gift and give me the gift of sleeping through the night.

Toilet seat sprinklers. This one is mostly for the ladies, I’m guessing. Without fail, if I’m traveling, running around town I will have to use a public restroom ( this also happens at my work ) .. I see drops on the pot. Why, why, why? Do you insist on not only spraying your piss all over the toilet seat, but then you don't clean it up. People are disgusting. Are you marking your territory in this shithole? Are you blind or just a disgusting?

People who ignore the lane end signs. You people piss me off. You see the long line of cars in the right line. The line full of people who did the right thing and got into the right lane because there is a big fucking sign that says LEFT LANE ENDS. You people decide to ignore that sign and speed up the left lane and just assume that when you lane ends that people are just suppose to let you in like you aren't the biggest jackass on the road right now. You don't even use turn signals. You just assume because your lane ends that WE are suppose to yield to you. NO. DO NOT try and get in front of me, it's not gonna happen. You should have gotten over with the rest of us instead of trying to get up 10 car lengths because THAT got you real far didn't it?

People who believe that all opinions are equally valid and always right. You can have a wrong opinion. If my opinion was that the sky was neon green, it's not automatically right because it's my opinion!

What do you want to punch in the face?

6 comments:

  1. Lol!!! I can make a list but I refuse to.

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    1. Haha I could have come up with more but I decided to end my rant. Why do you refuse to make one?

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  2. Here's a whole list from the hilarious Jen Worick.

    http://www.amazon.com/Things-I-Want-Punch-Face/dp/0983459479/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347569705&sr=8-1&keywords=things+i+want+to+punch+in+the+face

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  3. Oh for Gods sakes! Bahahahahaha "Just take baby duty you fuck face!"

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    Replies
    1. HAHA! Right? That's all I'd one. Just for one day!

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  4. Didn't expect/ask for/get a push gift. And Tyler was a dream with night duty and house chores. But would I have turned down some jewelry or gadget? Eff no, haha.

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